9 Types of abusers (many abusers fit into more than one category):

The Narcissistic Abuser- 
This type of abuser is obsessed with self; he worships self, promotes self, photographs self, looks at self (and wants others to look at him) and constantly thinks about self; he is overly concerned with his looks, talents, image and will do anything at any cost to uphold his image, even if he must lie to protect his image; he is overly concerned with receiving praise and adoration; he loves and thrives off of attention, especially if he is also charismatic; he usually does not prefer a partner that is outgoing and charismatic, in that it takes away from his attention.  He can be very selfish, self-absorbed and inconsiderate; when socializing with him he usually only wants to talk about himself, his accomplishments, his pain, his talents, his injustices, and if the conversation shifts toward you or someone else, or if you begin to share something personal about yourself, he usually gets bored and uninterested and is only thinking about how to get the conversation back on him; he usually is the opposite of the ‘emotionally needy abuser’ in that he feels that he can replace you at anytime with someone else; he is only interested in his relationship with you or others if it benefits him somehow; he may behave as a good parent to his biological offspring in that he perceives them as an "extension of himself" (which I would term indirect narcissism); he believes that life is all about making sure one "has happiness" (rather than "has honor"), even if obtaining one's own happiness may result in many other people suffering unhappiness (i.e. leaving his spouse for another woman even though that would cause his wife and children pain); he usually possesses several of the traits of the other abusive categories as well; he can be verbally, physically, emotionally, financially, economically, and spiritually abusive.

The Emotionally Needy Abuser- 
This type of abuser usually lacks self-esteem and derives his self-worth from the relationship; he tries to isolate his partner; he is very jealous when his partner spends time with other friends/family; he can become very possessive, clingy, and one of his greatest tools is guilt-tripping and manipulation; if emotional abuse is not successful then he will resort to verbal or physical abuse to keep his partner only to himself.  He feels that he can’t live without his partner.  He may claim that “you are his soul mate,” or “you are meant to be together forever,” or even may claim that “God has revealed to him that you are to be together.”  He will try to convince his partner that no one will or could ever love them as much as he will.  He is consumed with jealousy and fear of losing his partner.  He makes his partner feel responsible for his happiness.  He can be hypersensitive and cry easily; he usually seeks out a codependent partner who is emotionally stronger than he is and one who will be doting, forgiving and tolerant of  him; he can be verbally, physically, emotionally, financially/economically, and spiritually abusive.

The Womanizing Abuser- 
This type of abuser can be extremely arrogant and unfaithful to his partner; he is overly consumed and sometimes addicted to flirting with and seducing other women, he can be very charismatic, but not always; he derives his self-esteem from other woman reciprocating his advances;  he may or may not be good-looking; he has very low self-esteem; he claims that he is not flirtatious, but it’s 'just his personality’ therefore he’s done nothing wrong; he can be skilled at lying and manipulating; he is usually insensitive to his partner’s needs, emotions, hurts, and will rarely validate her feelings;  he usually is quite the smooth-talker and can easily lie his way out of anything; his image is of great importance to him; he may regularly accuse his partner of cheating on him over something as trivial as she decides to wear lip stick one day; this can be a red flag that he is cheating on you; he tends to lack empathy (understanding and feeling another person's emotions and relate to their experiences); he can be verbally, physically, emotionally, financially/economically, and spiritually abusive.

The Addictive Abuser- 
This type of abuser has one or many addictions, such as pornography, sex,
drug/alcohol use, gambling, eating, spending, etc.; he is usually ashamed of his
addiction(s) and will go to extreme lengths to cover up and hide his behaviors; he can be skilled at lying and manipulating; he can be easily angered and volatile when substance abuse is involved; he is usually impulsive and rarely exercises self-control; he believes that getting his needs and desires met are of utmost importance; he can be reckless and enjoy taking risks; he may continually make promises to quit his addictions, but without professional long-term treatment, it will not likely happen; he can be verbally, physically, emotionally, financially/economically, and spiritually abusive;

The Mentally Ill Abuser- 
This type of abuser can have a dual personality and mood disorders; he may frequently have unpredictable highs and lows (manic and depressive stages), he can be clinically depressed.  If he has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) it can cause him to continually call/text to keep tabs on you.  Anxiety can cause him to be consumed with fear of abandonment and losing his partner;  bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and various other disorders can also be present; he can be hypersensitive and cry easily or he can be easily angered and prone to rage; he usually blames his partner for his abuse; even if he is on prescribed medication(s) he can still be dangerous, and in some cases more dangerous to himself or others if he recently switched medications or quit taking his medications; he can be verbally, physically, emotionally, financially/economically, and spiritually abusive.

The Chauvinistic Abuser- 
This type of abuser thinks that he is superior to his partner.  He believes his rights should always prevail; he is very controlling; he lacks empathy and compassion; he can frequently humiliate and degrade his partner without remorse; he will rarely ever apologize and usually will never admit to fault; he blames his victim for his bad behavior (i.e. that he would not have been abusive if his partner had not mouthed-off to him, therefore it was her fault); he usually have many of the traits of the Narcissistic Abuser and/or Mentally Ill Abuser, etc.; he can be verbally, physically, emotionally, financially/economically, and spiritually abusive.

The Martyr Abuser- 
This type of abuser thrives off of pity and sympathy from others and will even lie to portray themselves as a victim; he may have been raised by a highly doting mother that excused his bad behavior; he may even stage his own suicide or threaten suicide for attention; he blames others for his bad behavior; he may easily apologize every time for his abuse and claim it will never happen again, but he rarely changes or gets the help he needs; he is a smooth-talker and can easily persuade his partner into believing him; he can be hypersensitive and cry easily; he is very emotionally abusive and manipulative; his greatest tool in emotional abuse is guilt-tripping his partner; he usually falls into more than one of the other types of abusers as well; he can be verbally, physically, financially/economically, and spiritually abusive.

The Perfectionistic Abuser- 
This type of abuser demands perfection in his partner; he is very intolerant, impatient and condescending at times to others, especially his partner; he will engage in ridicule and humiliation to get his partner to comply; he may complain about his partner’s performance, whether it be about her cooking, cleaning, parenting, driving, shopping, body weight, work ethic, intelligence or even may critique her sexual performance. The victim will end up having extremely low self-esteem after being subjected to this type of abuser; this abuser has low self-esteem as well and feels better about himself when he degrades his partner; he rarely apologizes, in that he believes he is always right; he is very critical and judgmental toward his partner and others; he has unrealistic expectations of his partner; he can be verbally, physically, emotionally, financially/economically, and spiritually abusive.

The Misogynistic Abuser- 
This is the most dangerous type of abuser; a misogynist is a man who hates women, and there can even be Christian/religious men who hate women; this type of abuser will engage in many tactics to hurt, destroy, humiliate, isolate, alienate, control, and manipulate his partner.  A misogynist has no empathy, sympathy or compassion; he will not show concern for his partner even when she has a severe illness/injury and may refuse her hospitalization or basic care;  he is controlling in every area of his partner’s life, such forcing her to have natural child birth without any pain medication or requiring that he approve every one of her friendships; he sees women as having no value except to serve a man; many extreme religious cults attract misogynists; if he is involved in a religious cult, he will distort scripture to justify his bad behavior (i.e. distorting scripture on submission); a misogynist will not apologize or admit fault, therefore they never change their behavior, in that they believe they have never done wrong; they will not validate their partner’s feelings or emotions; they enjoy degrading their partner and if their partner shares that she has been hurt and humiliated by them publicly, the misogynist will deny it and blame his partner and claim that she is overly sensitive and it is not his fault that she is hyper-sensitive; he is cold, calloused and highly self-absorbed; he can be extremely verbally, physically, emotionally, financially/economically, and spiritually abusive.

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